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THEJamoke

Age/Gender: 26, Male
Location: CT
Job: chef / chainsmoker

We can't call people without wings angels, so we call them "friends."

Newgrounds Stats

Sign-Up Date:
10/22/07

Level: 17
Aura: Light

Rank: Staff Sergeant
Blams: 1,154
Saves: 4,880
Rank #: 782

Exp. Points: 2,930 / 3,210
Exp. Rank #: 7,237
Voting Pow.: 5.87 votes

BBS Posts: 3,317 (9.22 per day)
Flash Reviews: 195
Music Reviews: 10
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Entry #5

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THEJamoke

Saw V Preview!

Posted by THEJamoke Dec. 29, 2007 @ 3:11 PM EST

Darkness. The sound of water flowing through pipes can be heard gently. There is a strange squeaking, emanating from behind the wall, slowly moving closer and closer. A man stumbles around in the dark, mumbling with fear and whimpering like a lost child.
A fluorescent light suddenly turns on. The heavy iron door in the corner swings open and an ominous doll rolls into the room on a small tricycle.
The intercom speaker crackles with electricity. A deep, rasping voice begins to speak.

"Hello Ben Affleck. This is your wake up call."

"Throughout your career you have performed with mediocrity. The level of your success despite your lack of talent has been a perplexing phenomenon for years. You have been fortunate enough to work alongside some of the most seasoned actors of modern cinema; Bruce Willis, Cuba Gooding Jr., Morgan Freeman, Gary Sinise, Ray Liotta, and yet you still refused to show any hope of rising to their level. You have squandered every great opportunity presented to you, beginning with the good fortune you were blessed with when Matt Damon let you and your worthless brother Casey ride his coat tails and co-wrote you on Good Will Hunting."

"You were terrible in that movie as well."

"But today I am giving you a chance. A chance to redeem yourself."

"I want to play a little game."

"The object is simple. Right now you are trapped within a paper bag. All you have to do is act your way out of it. You have thirty minutes. After that time is up the door to this room will lock sealing you within forever."

"Succeed and you will live to continue stealing roles from more deserving actors and tarnishing otherwise decent movies with your sub-standard performance. Fail and this room becomes your grave. The choice is yours to make. You decide..."

EDIT: For Cericon

saw5_2.JPG

Updated: 02/02/08 6:11 AM Log in to comment! | Share this!

The People Have Spoken

56 Comments

Dec. 29, 2007 | 3:27 PM vampyerba says:

Fucking rights!! lol

Dec. 30, 2007 | 10:45 PM THEJamoke responds:

He doesn't stand a chance in hell.
And thanks.


Dec. 29, 2007 | 4:29 PM NickDaPwner says:

whats that thing in the doorway?

Dec. 30, 2007 | 10:36 PM THEJamoke responds:

Billy the Puppet.


Dec. 30, 2007 | 2:45 AM jokerscard says:

Fucking hilarious!

Dec. 30, 2007 | 10:36 PM THEJamoke responds:

Thank you.


Dec. 30, 2007 | 5:09 AM Cyberdevil says:

lmao, a masterpiece in the making . . .

Dec. 30, 2007 | 10:37 PM THEJamoke responds:

If only they weren't making Saw V & VI already I'd try to pitch the idea to Twisted Pictures.


Dec. 30, 2007 | 12:23 PM Alcohol1 says:

i wonder how many oscars will the movie won...

Dec. 30, 2007 | 10:40 PM THEJamoke responds:

One. Best Actor - Billy the inanimate Puppet (beat out Ben Affleck)


Dec. 30, 2007 | 12:55 PM SevenSeize says:

bwahahahahahahaahahhaahaa

Dec. 30, 2007 | 10:41 PM THEJamoke responds:

mwahaha
thanks.


Dec. 30, 2007 | 1:02 PM AniMetal says:

That pic is disturbing.

What did you get for christmas?

Dec. 30, 2007 | 10:42 PM THEJamoke responds:

I love photoshop.

All I could have wanted and more.


Dec. 30, 2007 | 5:25 PM karlu20 says:

*confused as hell... probably because i dont pay attention to the names of any actors/ actresses*

Dec. 30, 2007 | 10:43 PM THEJamoke responds:

You haven't seen any of the movies yet, huh?


Dec. 30, 2007 | 11:37 PM AniMetal says:

666 postes, huh? Lol.

And...how did you get that high of a B/P rank with that signup date?!?!

Dec. 31, 2007 | 3:31 AM THEJamoke responds:

I got ripping pissed over shit flying my way for having an '07 account, so I figured the least I could do would be to boost up my stats by parking ass infront of the portal for a week straight.

If only I could remember the password to my fucking '01 account.


Dec. 31, 2007 | 1:54 AM DarkWizard1992 says:

Just cuz he's hardcore.

Dec. 31, 2007 | 3:33 AM THEJamoke responds:

You know it.


Dec. 31, 2007 | 9:57 PM DarkWizard1992 says:

Happy new year, Jamoke my man!

Jan. 1, 2008 | 3:15 PM THEJamoke responds:

Same to you buddy


Jan. 1, 2008 | 1:48 PM lazyyMitch says:

Hmm. Did you PAY for photoshop? :P

Jan. 1, 2008 | 3:13 PM THEJamoke responds:

Not a damn penny.
Call the feds.


Jan. 1, 2008 | 2:48 PM FuZzYLoG1C says:

Happy new year!
Love the Saw reference!

Jan. 1, 2008 | 3:16 PM THEJamoke responds:

H N Y 2 you 2
I hoped you would.


Jan. 1, 2008 | 5:55 PM AniMetal says:

Well start posting now, your an '07 and the '08s are the flaimebait. XD

Jan. 2, 2008 | 5:51 PM THEJamoke responds:

LOL
Do unto others yadda yadda yadda...
I don't enjoy judging people by what date on which they signed up to a website. I'd rather judge them by social class, religious beliefs & skin color like a normal American.


Jan. 2, 2008 | 6:52 AM karlu20 says:

post on my blog!
oh and btw i wont be on much today cause i have sch- i cant bring myself to say it again :(
you know the place where ppl go to learn ugg thats starting again now :((((((

Jan. 2, 2008 | 6:36 PM THEJamoke responds:

skewl iz gude. if yoo duzint go 2 skewl yoo wil nevar lerns speke inglish gude liek doo mee.


Jan. 4, 2008 | 10:48 PM karlu20 says:

1 prob with ur theory
spell check exists.
and besides i already know how :p
in 2nd grade i took a proficeancy exam and it said i had an 11th grade vocab
im sure its gone up
as for spelling gone down cause of online but who the f cares ive got spell check

Jan. 5, 2008 | 10:03 PM THEJamoke responds:

I was just teasing


Jan. 5, 2008 | 3:46 AM SevenSeize says:

I can't sleep. :-(

Jan. 5, 2008 | 10:05 PM THEJamoke responds:

aww...
me neither.


Jan. 5, 2008 | 7:48 PM karlu20 says:

heh i caught heatran ^.^
...im bored

Jan. 5, 2008 | 10:06 PM THEJamoke responds:

Pokemon will do that to ya.


Jan. 5, 2008 | 8:00 PM idiot-buster says:

hav a happy 2008 hope ya do well

Jan. 5, 2008 | 10:06 PM THEJamoke responds:

You too.


Jan. 5, 2008 | 11:03 PM SSXorcist15 says:

I don't get it.

Jan. 6, 2008 | 4:21 PM THEJamoke responds:

Ever try to get out of a paper bag?


Jan. 6, 2008 | 12:44 AM jokerscard says:

Why are you caught up with the KK?

Jan. 6, 2008 | 4:22 PM THEJamoke responds:

Pantywipe and I are just friends.
I've only let him get to 2nd base so far.


Jan. 6, 2008 | 1:25 AM Helikopteret says:

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!

Jan. 6, 2008 | 4:23 PM THEJamoke responds:

sweet


Jan. 6, 2008 | 11:12 AM mafiaclock321 says:

No arms?

Jan. 6, 2008 | 4:27 PM THEJamoke responds:

No talent.


Jan. 6, 2008 | 2:13 PM Purpin says:

I shall indeed teach you the fire chop.

Jan. 6, 2008 | 4:26 PM THEJamoke responds:

bitchin' :D


Jan. 6, 2008 | 5:54 PM Cericon says:

I can act my way out of the bag, by acting like FIRE

Jan. 7, 2008 | 9:34 PM THEJamoke responds:

fucking sexy


Jan. 7, 2008 | 9:18 PM MilfredmousZX says:

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Jan. 10, 2008 | 3:35 PM THEJamoke responds:

CCC


Jan. 7, 2008 | 11:47 PM lunardragon96 says:

Me: Let's play charades!
*Acts like a monkey*
Random person: You're a monkey!
Me: IMMA CHICKEN!!!
I CAN BE WHATEVER THE F*CK I WANT TO BE DAMMIT!!!! *Passes out from too much booze*

Jan. 10, 2008 | 3:35 PM THEJamoke responds:

OOO


Jan. 8, 2008 | 9:14 PM WACKYANIMATION says:

REAP ON THE INTERNETS? WHAT HAVE WE DONE!??

Jan. 10, 2008 | 3:36 PM THEJamoke responds:

CCC


Jan. 10, 2008 | 2:06 AM JJ99 says:

I AM A GIANT FAGGOT

Jan. 10, 2008 | 3:36 PM THEJamoke responds:

KKK


Jan. 10, 2008 | 2:11 AM jokerscard says:

I have a desire to dislike you now even though I know your cool.

It's hard to suppress.

Jan. 10, 2008 | 4:03 PM THEJamoke responds:

I swear, I did it only for the money.
And the power.
And the women.
Just business, nothing personal.


Jan. 10, 2008 | 9:35 PM reviewer-general says:

I find you to be a top-rate fellow.

Cheers!

Jan. 10, 2008 | 11:47 PM THEJamoke responds:

tits


Jan. 11, 2008 | 12:37 PM lazyyMitch says:

"Not a damn penny."

Well I paid for mine.... are you buying this?

Jan. 11, 2008 | 5:48 PM THEJamoke responds:

I will not call you a liar, good sir.
Rather a teller of un-truths.

Updated: Sep. 25, 2008, 3:41 AM

Jan. 11, 2008 | 11:27 PM Cericon says:

Is that a penis in the top left corner?

Jan. 13, 2008 | 7:58 PM THEJamoke responds:

No, but I could make that shit happen.

EDIT: bam

Updated: Jan. 14, 2008, 10:54 PM

Jan. 12, 2008 | 9:25 AM karlu20 says:

hi bunni ^.^

im boreddddd

Jan. 13, 2008 | 7:59 PM THEJamoke responds:

Write more Meridian.
I want to read it.


Jan. 13, 2008 | 10:23 AM hankjwebaltin says:

frhgaiuth

Jan. 13, 2008 | 8:33 PM THEJamoke responds:

teabagging


Jan. 13, 2008 | 6:53 PM Lamoureux says:

Holy sucking fex.

I can't wait to see that shit.

What's new dudeface?

By the way, '01 account... cockandballs.

Jan. 13, 2008 | 8:40 PM THEJamoke responds:

I get out of AA in two days.

buck futter:
http://jamoke.newgrounds.com/
hack this and I will give oral.


Jan. 13, 2008 | 10:05 PM Lamoureux says:

I prefer anal, no deal d00d.

What the fuck is AA?

Jan. 13, 2008 | 10:24 PM THEJamoke responds:

A waste of time that could be better spent drinking.


Jan. 13, 2008 | 10:46 PM EvilerBowser1001 says:

The only Affleck that can act is the younger one.

Jan. 14, 2008 | 4:53 PM THEJamoke responds:

Casey is better than Ben, but that's not a hard feat to pull off.


Jan. 14, 2008 | 7:12 AM Lamoureux says:

That sounds like school, or relationships.

Here I am again commenting here like a total faggot. >:C

Jan. 14, 2008 | 4:54 PM THEJamoke responds:

Just say "SLAYER."

Slayer can make anything un-gay.


Jan. 14, 2008 | 5:04 PM Lamoureux says:

Fuck yeah! \m/

Jan. 14, 2008 | 10:54 PM THEJamoke responds:

right on


Jan. 15, 2008 | 1:06 AM mega-ballin-pimp-sev says:

theJAMOKE, foo

Jan. 16, 2008 | 3:00 AM THEJamoke responds:

MEGA-ballin-PIMP-sev, sucka


Jan. 15, 2008 | 6:15 PM Cericon says:

Lol, I love you.

Jan. 16, 2008 | 3:01 AM THEJamoke responds:

<Han Solo pimp-style voice>
I know.


Jan. 16, 2008 | 4:53 AM Wyattfilms says:

i was wondering wtf in the picture.. then i look in the top lefthand corner and lol'ed

so obviose!

so anyway, hows things kicken'?

Jan. 17, 2008 | 10:17 PM THEJamoke responds:

Ridin' high, my good sir.
Ridin' high.


Jan. 20, 2008 | 3:20 AM AniMetal says:

Make a new blog. XD

Jan. 20, 2008 | 5:45 PM THEJamoke responds:

okay


Jan. 20, 2008 | 3:51 PM ParadoxSaint says:

Saw V? Lol cat is not amused.

Jan. 20, 2008 | 5:46 PM THEJamoke responds:

deep throat


Jan. 21, 2008 | 8:37 PM Lamoureux says:

Hello, I'm fucking lame. How about you?

Jan. 21, 2008 | 10:15 PM THEJamoke responds:

Canadians aren't fucking lame.
Don't be so harsh on yourself and your countrymen.


Jan. 22, 2008 | 4:06 PM Lamoureux says:

I want to move to Norway, or Sweden... Or fucking Celtic land.

Jan. 23, 2008 | 10:11 PM THEJamoke responds:

I vote for Ireland, Holland, or just stay where you is.


Jan. 23, 2008 | 12:54 PM flashplayer5 says:

Why is there a cock in the top left?

Jan. 23, 2008 | 10:17 PM THEJamoke responds:

I luv Cericon

Updated: Feb. 2, 2008, 6:12 AM

Jan. 23, 2008 | 8:08 PM lunardragon96 says:

There's a COCK IN THE TOP LEFT CORNER!!!!!11eleven!!!!!!1one!!!

Jan. 23, 2008 | 10:17 PM THEJamoke responds:

lolololololololololololololol


Jan. 23, 2008 | 11:08 PM Ifritsparda says:

I think for your next Saw script, you should have Jared the Subway dude eat 10 Fool's Gold Sandwiches! BTW, how many people got heart attacks from that? Anyway, I'll bet Ben Affleck did escape. How you ask? Simple. Kevin Smith saved his sorry ass with a beautiful performance by Jay and Silent Bob! Shooch to the Mutta Fucking Nooch!

Jan. 25, 2008 | 4:20 AM THEJamoke responds:

Snoogins


Jan. 25, 2008 | 7:06 AM Lamoureux says:

Fuck all five of those places.

Germany = Wacken once a year.

Jan. 26, 2008 | 3:28 AM THEJamoke responds:

Iron Maiden's headlining this year.
Fuck.
Yes.


Jan. 28, 2008 | 10:55 AM Lamoureux says:

That's fucking awesome.

I'd give my left cock and 4 fingers to go.

Too bad I'm poor and underaged... I'm forced to get drunk and listen to metal alone.

Jan. 31, 2008 | 4:22 PM THEJamoke responds:

That's how a man should listen to metal, in solitude with a bottle glued to the palm.


Jan. 31, 2008 | 12:10 AM jokerscard says:

That cock was not there before!

Jan. 31, 2008 | 4:22 PM THEJamoke responds:

What cock, where?


Jan. 31, 2008 | 9:43 PM DarkWizard1992 says:

What makes a man? Is it the woman in his arms,
Just 'cause she has big titties?
Or is it the way he fights every day?

Feb. 1, 2008 | 11:44 PM THEJamoke responds:

I'm still working out the physics of how to position four dicks in two holes.


Feb. 1, 2008 | 12:27 PM lazyyMitch says:

The picture is tainted. TAINTED I TELL YOU!

Feb. 1, 2008 | 11:47 PM THEJamoke responds:

It needed a splash of dick.


Feb. 17, 2008 | 6:55 PM AbsurdRandomness says:

Why is there a big cock in the top left corner <3

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